The Bartesian machine has been around for a while. Maybe it’s marketing, the COVID-19 pandemic, or perhaps it just caught my attention.
Regardless, the home Bartesian cocktail maker, for those of legal drinking age, lets you experience the same ease of cocktails as pod coffee makers; the press of a button gets a bartender-quality drink mixed in seconds.
On a night having dinner with some friends recently with the spring weather upon us, it was a perfect time to let the Bartesian do its thing and get the happy hour going.
The machine is a little than larger than an oversized AC-powered appliance (12.5-by-12.75-by-12.25 inches) but easily fits on the kitchen counter. Pods come in boxes of eight for $19.99 or 32 for $91.98, with subscriptions offering discounts to get up to 20% off cocktails.
The pods have the mixers, not the alcohol. You supply that. A pod is placed in the machine and has a bar code on its top. Accordingly, the Bartesian has a reader to identify the capsule, knowing which spirit needs to be added to the pod.
Once installed, press the lid closed, and a menu comes up with four strength choices. My neighbor chose an Old-Fashioned (whiskey) to be made at the strongest level for the maiden drink. Before pressing the button to get the drink mixed, the top-sided display advises you on which sized glass or shaker to use and the amount of ice. Once the decisions have been made, press the Mix button. A few seconds later, the cocktail is complete.
After a few minutes, the Old-Fashioned was responsibly consumed, and another was requested with the comment, “that’s good, let’s have another.” That tells me it was a success.
Another friend requested a Lemon Drop (made with vodka), which was made regular strength. After some time, I noticed her glass was empty, so I brewed another, replaced her glass with the full one, and received a thank you in return — another success.
There are many cocktail capsule choices, including various margaritas, Long Island iced tea, a poolside vibes variety pack, rum runners, cosmopolitan, and sex on the beach capsules. As explained by Bartesian, the cocktail capsules contain all the premium bitters, extracts, juice concentrates and mixers that would otherwise need to be individually sourced, purchased and stored. With the recyclable capsules, the measuring and mixing are complete.
The Bartesian cocktail maker comes with five high-quality glass bottles with attachable lids for the spirits. Four of the five can be used at once, with slots for Whisky, Tequila, Vodka, and Rum/Gin. There’s also a water reservoir, in which I used bottled water.
Each spirit bottle is filled with the spirits (we used the middle-of-the-road quality) before starting and then turned over into a rubber gasket. The rubber valves that come with the bottles prevent anything from being spilled when it’s turned over into the corresponding labeled slot. You have to choose which one to install for the fourth slot sharing rum and gin, but they can be swapped with ease.
When the Bartesian is on for the first time, instructions are given on running water, though for its initial voyage. The same is true after you’re done with the machine if you won’t use it right away. Aftercare is recommended after the drinks are done by washing it down with a damp cloth, and the bottles are dishwasher-safe.
After an hour or so, the Bartesian was our bartender and did a great job. An excellent addition in the future (like with coffee) may be a manual pod, where you can add your mixers and then let the bartender do the rest.
Bartesian also has glassware, a capsule drawer, glass dimmers, shaker bottles and other accessories available for purchase on their site.
©2022 Gregg Ellman. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.